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Something isn’t right….

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Something isn’t right, and I’ve checked everything. The doors have all been locked, bottles washed, toys picked up. The cat is fed, the babies bathed and put to bed, but still something’s missing.

Its been missing all day. I looked for it under the banana tree, through the pineapple field, and in the birds of paradise. I asked the passion fruit in the wooden bowl, the mongoose running across the road, and the rain on the tin roof. No one told. They didn’t have to, I already knew. Jungledad is away.

Somehow its worse this time. It reminds me of a something else, something I’d forgotten. Years ago, I used to teach art to special needs adults. Some were autistic, or schizophrenic, or obsessive compulsive. Some tried desperately hard to control their emotions, others didn’t try at all. Those that tried, that struggled, always gave off a strange energy, an electricity even. Their turmoil, it was almost tangible. I could feel it crackling like a gas burner about it ignite. They’d try so hard to stiffle it, but it saturated everything, darker, deeper than paint, this feeling that something was wrong. There was only 1 way I knew of to deal with it: laugh, rationalize, dance. Okay, 3 ways.

One schizophrenic student was always arguing with people who weren’t there. She’d work herself into a frenzy if given then chance. I used to bounce over to her aisel while singing a silly song, tell her that her “friends” hadn’t signed up for the course and therefore had to leave, and then challenge her to a dance contest. This pretty much always worked. It took a lot of energy, but it always worked.

That’s what I’m trying to do now, laugh about little things like geckos, rationalize big things like parenting and living in a jungle as one great adventure, and dance with my little girls, whose little smiles and squeals can fix anything on this earth.



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